I adore my daughter. I love her so much that when I think about it for very long, I cry and my heart almost hurts from being so full. When she screams because her mouth hurts from teeth coming in, I pick up her small form and hold her close. She then wraps her little arms around my neck, puts her tiny fingers into my hair and her face into my neck. I hold her and her body relaxes. Her comfort brings me a peace such as I have never known. I praise God with my whole being for bringing her into my life.
I think about God. It says in the Bible that a mother would sooner forget the baby at her breast than He would ever forget about us. This is so profound that I cannot understand it. I love my daughter with everything I am, so the idea that God loves me infinitely more is too great for me.
During times of grief, I felt lost. I did not abandon God. I would sooner believe that two plus two does not equal four than I would ever consider that God is not the great Creator, but I did not, could not, understand how I fit into that scenario. If we are to "cast all our cares upon Him", what do we do when there is no reply?
I think about my daughter. Sometimes she struggles and becomes deeply frustrated if she can't accomplish her goal. She gives me the pen to get the lid off for her. I don't take it off. She will make a mess and it is better that the lid stay on. She obviously does not understand this and gets upset with me. I usually pick her up and console her, but not always. Other times, she falls down. I try not to rush over to her to pick her up as she has to learn to get back up on her own. Every time, however, I cannot help but go to her and watch over her. I always want to pick her up and rock her and tell her it's alright, but sometimes, for her own good, I don't... However, I am always there.
I think about God. If it pains me as much as it does when my sweet girl cries because she's cutting teeth, and God loves me still more, how much does it hurt Him when I despair? In my darkest moment, that is what I came to understand. Jesus wept. He wept because his beloved were in pain. And through that, I knew that even if He does not save me from injury, He is watching over all the time, waiting and hoping for me to lift up my arms to Him and let Him comfort me. He always there. Always loving. When I don't deserve it. When it's just a little bump. When it's a big bump. Even when I don't "need" Him there... Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty to attain.*
Thank You Lord for loving me enough to let me struggle. Thank you for sunsets and chocolate cake. Thank you for my husband. Thank you for letting me be a mama. Thank you for letting me See. Thank you for choosing me.
God is good all the time. All the time, God is good.
*Taken from my favorite Psalm, Psalm 139.
Absolutely beautiful post!!
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